Joe's Review of Shit You Don't Have - Jet Pack

Hey everyone, Joe Bates here with a review of Shit You Don't Have.

Today's topic: The Martin Jet Pack

phoca_thumb_l_2008 p11 flying.jpg

Look, you don't have that. Who the hell does? Who wants it? Everyone now who's reading this. So here's my review of The Martin Jetpack. 

PRICE: Just under $150,000 for your own personal jetpack

Wow, they're doing the rich people's version of $149,999.99. But Joe, that's too good a deal. Hell yea it is! It's the damn hidden costs. The MINIMUM deposit to secure a spot on the waiting list is $5,000. So if you have that kinda money that you can just have held while you're waiting for you jetpack then by all means. Wait on my friend, wait on!

SAFETY: Pretty safe until you realize you're flying with a jetpack!

Look safety's always a concern when you're talking personal jetpack! They got the fans covered in the giant silos surrounding you so you're arms aren't getting cut off. That's a plus. The pilot's protected with a roll bar and arm restraints. And when in doubt, don't worry you also have a parachute. So as you're falling to your death in your flying machine a parachute will deploy to give you a second of hope before you end up with the largest chalk outline of any police crime scene.

CAN I USE IT?: Hell yea! It's got computers and shit.

Basically the Martin Jetpack is the segway of the air. It balances itself and I'm pretty sure you just yell, "MAKE ME A BALD EAGLE!" and then it takes you soaring from the mountains to the prairies to the oceans…..WHITE WITH FOAM! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! Wait these guys are from New Zealand? What the hell? There's no oceans in New Zealand!

WILL THIS GET ME LAID?: Oh I don't know………what do you think?


What girls aren't wooing over man who's now become 60% machine. But in all honesty, joe schmuck shows up at the hottest club in LA in this baby, there is no doubt you are getting a conversation with the best looking lady at there in between DJ's Miley Cyrus mixes. Make sure you bring a 2nd helmet when you take her up to kiss the clouds. IT'S SAFE! THERE'S A PARACHUTE!!!!


Actually, on second thought…….did you see how little footage they showed of the dude flying it and the fact that it took two guys acting like 4 years fielding a pop up? And I just checked it out……yup… is not expected that personal jetpacks will be available before the end of 2015. So why wait? Go and buy 8,000 doves with that just under $150,000 and let the birds take you to American freedom. Why not bald eagles? It's illegal and who the hell could own such a bird. It would own you.